POLICE RAID SPRINGFIELD KWIK-E-MART IN SEX STORE STING

SPRINGFIELD--The latest image to emerge in Simpson sex scandal, shows Marge Simpson, wife of Homer Simpson, at an adult gloryhole. Police Chief Clancy Wiggum shut down Kwik-E-Mart, where proprietor Apu Nahasapeenapetilon had been running an alleged covert glory hole in the storage closet.

The image seized by police shows Mrs. Simpson in a compromising position. The penis in the image is alleged to be that of store owner Nahasapeenapetilon. “I have very loyal customers,” said Nahasapeenapetilon. “They come for the squishees, I don’t know anything else.”

Numerous Springfield residences sited that Mr. Nahasapeenapetilon enjoyed a brief period as Springfield's leading ladies' man following a bachelor auction in November1997. Witnesses say he spent the days following the auction on a whirlwind of dates. Mr. Nahasapeenapetilon’s dates reportedly ceased when his mother announced his arranged marriage to a woman named Manjula. The two were legally married in Springfield that year.

Mr. And Mrs. Nahasapeenapetilon are the parents of octuplets: Anoop, Uma, Nabendu, Poonam, Priya, Sandeep, Sashi, and Gheet.

Friends of the Nahasapeenapetilon report that the couple had a mostly happy marriage, despite marital problems caused by Mr. Nahasapeenapetilon’s long hours at the Kwik-E-Mart, and the strain of caring for eight children. However rumors of infidelity were frequent, sources say. Following an infidelity to his wife, Mr. Nahasapeenapetilon legally change his name to Slime Q. Slimedog, as ordered by Manjula.

Rumors surfaced of an illegal sex booth in the Kwik-E-Mart, after reports of strange noises emanating from the storage closet. Springfield police were issued a search warrant from Judge Constance Harm. The Qwik-E-Mart video survelence tapes as well as photographs were seazed in the raid. Authorities have yet to make a formal report, but Chief Wiggum stated, “We are looking into it. Yes…looking into all of it. Very carefully.”

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THE EXCHANGE

When they were long-distance, she wanted to make him something special. A home video of her. She touched herself to orgasm, and then sent him the tape in the mail. He had a camera, and so did the same for her. Every couple days, they would look forward to receiving the tape, then adding their new session. By the time the one-hour tape was filled, they were back in the same city. They keep the tape, and anytime they want to rekindle their love, they put it back in and hook the camera to the TV.

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HOMER SIMPSON AFFAIR WITH COUNTRY STAR
New image turn up, homer affair with Lurleen Lumpkin not plutonic.

SPRINGFIELD--The Lurleen Lumpkin affair began in March, 1992, after a reported quarrel between Homer and Marge Simpson, regarding Mr. Simpson’s public disruption at a movie theater. Witnesses say that following the marital dispute, Mr. Simpson was seen the Beer 'N' Brawl, where waitress Lurleen Lumpkin was performing on stage.

Several days later, Simpson was spotted at the mobile home park where Lumpkin lived. The two were then seen at a recording studio, where Lumpkin recorded her first song. The song received airplay on the Springfield station.

Mr. Simpson publicly announced his relation to Lumpkin as her manager. “He bought an expensive white cowboy suit which he wears at home,” said Mrs. Simpson. Mrs. Simpson reported that she was upset with her husband’s involvement in the career of the rising country star, and inquired if he was having an affair.

The Simpson family gathered at the recording studio with Lumpkin to record more of her songs. Her second single, "Bagged Me a Homer", lead Marge to gnash her teeth in anger, eye-witnesses reported.

Mr. Simpson booked Lumpkin a gig on country western television series Ya-Hoo!. Sources report that prior to her performance, Mr. Simpson and Lumpkin spent the night in her mobile home, where she performed her latest song, “Bunk with me tonight.” Mr. Simpson claims that he refused the sexual advances of Ms. Lumpkin.

During her television performance, Mr. Simpson was approached by a business agent seeking to buy Lumpkin’s contact. Homer refused, the agent claimed. After a brief private discussion in the dressing room of Ms. Lumpkin, Mr. Simpson returned to the agent and sold Lumpkin’s contract for $50.

“We watched the Ya-Hoo! show at home together that evening, in bed, naked,” said Mrs. Simpson. Ms. Lumpkin publicly stated that Homer had refused her advances, adding, she hopes Marge knows how lucky she is. “We thought everything was settled then,” said Mrs. Simpson.

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BIKINI PEEK

Scott's story:
We were on vacation and met a cool couple staying at our hotel. I am a devoted and faithful husband, but I couldn't help noticing Amanda, our new friend. She had blonde hair, blue eyes...a classic beach babe look, the kind of woman I fantasied about as a teenager. It was hard enough not to stare as we hung out by the pool, especially when she rubbed sun screen on her arms and legs. As she moved, I noticed the edge of her nipples would sometimes peel from her new bikini top. I tried not to look, but once I saw what was happening, I couldn't help it. I needed to save the moment, so grabbed my digital camera, and took a few shots of the hotel, the pool, my wife, her husband, pretending to be documenting the whole general experience. I turned to her and she crossed her arms like she didn't want her picture taken, but with a click, it was done. Afterwards, I checked my results and was happy to see, I'd captured a hint of what I'd seen that day. I've cropped out her head here, for her privacy, but hope readers enjoy.

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DULL NIGHT AT MOTEL...?

We stayed at a motel in Astoria. It had a pool and a spa. It was late and there was only the guy at the front desk, and he didn't seem to care that we walked past the front desk in our towels and flip flops, clearly headed to the pool, when it was supposed to close. He seemed bored and oblivious, but just because his night was dull, ours didn't need to be. When we got to the pool room, my wife took a final look around, and stripped nude. I snapped a photo, and then joined her.

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SHE KNOWS IT

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SIMPSON VACATION PICTURES SURFACE
Simpson Trip to Miami turns up new photos in Simpsons Sex Scandal

SPRINGFIELD—New photos of Homer and Marge Simpson have turned up in the latest of a series of scandals that have surrounded the popular television family. The photos have been connected to a 2004 trip the couple made to Miami.

The couple had told their children, Bart and Lisa Simpson, that they were going to Dayton, Ohio, to celebrate Uncle Tyrone's birthday. At the airport, witnesses say that Mr. And Mrs. Simpson noticed a line of passengers dressed in Hawaiian shirts and skimpy tops, departing for Miami. The couple forego the visit to Uncle Tyrone and get on the plane to Miami as a second honeymoon.

“We never would have suspected anything,” said daughter Lisa. The children were watching television with their grandfather, Abraham Simpson, when they saw that the hotel in Dayton where Mr. and Mrs. Simpson were supposed to be staying had been completely wiped out by a tornado. A call from Mrs. Simpson informed them that all was well, stating, "Just checking in." Suspicious, Bart used last-call return to find out the last incoming phone number and discovered his parents were in Miami.

The children convinced their grandfather to take them to Miami, promising him that many single beautiful pensioners would be available. Mr. and Mrs. Simpson reportedly saw their children waiting for them outside their hotel room door, and fled. Bart and Lisa Simpson pursued them in to a series of location.

The photos of Mr. and Mrs. Simpson reveal the couple at the beach in various compromising sexual situations. An employee of the hotel is said to have posted the photos online, where they have been circulated.

“What two people do on their vacation is their own bees-wax,” Mrs. Simpson told reporters.

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SEX EDUCATION

Before the internet most people got their only Sex Ed in school. Before that, there was no formal Sex Ed. Parents were not forthcoming with useful information, and invented stories about storks or birds and bees or cabbage patches, or simply, "blessings from God." So it was up to a young woman to ask her best friend, or older sister about exactly what the birds and the bees did. Gretchen asked her friend Helen, who was engaged to be marriage. Helen gladly agreed to tell her all she knew, and use her beau as an example.

Helen first stripped naked and told Gretchen to do the same. They compared breasts, and tights, buttocks, and the thatch of curls between their legs. Gretchen was relieved to know that Helen has also grown hair in the same areas and had swelled in the bosom, too. Helen's father was the town's physician, and Helen has found a medical book in his study, and had memorized the proper Latin names. She pointed out her labia major and minor, her mons pubis, and her clitoris. She showed Gretchen how to rub the clitoris to produce a terrific sensation. Helen proceeded to manipulate her fingers over her clitoris and labia until she writhed with spasms, as if having a sudden attack of epilepsy. Gretchen feared for her friend, but as Helen's breathing and spasms subsided, she smiled. Following Helen's demonstration, she had Gretchen sit on the chair and open her legs. She instructed Gretchen to touch her self as Helen had done. Gretchen tried, and found to her surprise, she'd become quite dampened. Helen helped her, providing a rhythm and pace. And soon Gretchen felt the strangest sensation. Her insides seemed to buckle and all her nerves were at attention. Her body tensed in spasms and released in wave after crashing wave of emotion. She wasn't sure if the emotion was joy or pain or happiness or fear or all of them mixed together, but it was a sensation she'd never felt before. That is female orgasm, Helen explained. And that completes our lesson on female sexual anatomy.

Next, Helen instructed male anatomy and orgasm. she had her beau, Charlie, come into the room and remove his trousers. Gretchen was so fascinated by the strange object between Charlie's leg, that it was several minutes before she realized she was still nude. Oh well, she thought. CHarlie has already seen my body and I have seen his, so we're even, and we're friends, and besides, she was still hot and steamed up and being nude felt just right.

Helen explained the male anatomy, pointing out the penis and scrotum. Charlie had hair, too. As Helen touched his body, pointing out the parts, it seemed to move all on its own. This caused Gretchen to shriek. Helen just laughed, and explained that the penis was building turgor pressure, going from a flaccid state to an erect state. Helen didn't actually know how it worked, but she had read it, and so it must be right.

Gretchen's revulsion to Charlie's penis was replaced by curiosity. She leaned in closer to look as Helen gently caressed Charlie's male member. It seemed to grow and grow. It became twice its size, and instead of a flappy dangling bit of wrinkled skin, it became smooth, shiny, hard, standing tall and proud. Charlie's head had rolled back and his eyes were closed. She moaned as Helen continued to touch him, sliding up and down the length. I want to show you something very special, explained Helen, you must promise not to be frightened. Gretchen promised. She trusted Helen, her best friend, and daughter of the town doctor.

Helen explained that the testicles in the scrotum produced semen, and that semen had sperm, and that they were the magical substance that made babies grow. Gretchen was confused, but fascinated. It's like milking a goat, explained Helen. Except this is baby milk that grows babies. Gretchen understood. She had milked the goats for her chores as a young girl.

Helen tugged on Charlie's penis, much like milking a goat, and soon white creamy liquid spurted out. It wasn't much more tablespoon. Gretchen squealed with delight.

And that's male anatomy and orgasm, said Helen, completing her lesson.

Yes but do they work together ever? asked Gretchen.

Indeed, said Helen. That shall be our second lesson.

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